We spend our days clicking away on our laptops, desktops, tablets and phones. We write memos and type reminders and fill documents using things like auto correction and spell check. We race the cursor and watch as our word count climbs, but when the electricity is off and the batteries need charging, we reveal our inner writer.
When you have to write by hand, what do your chosen tools say about you?
- Pencil: Pencils can be either dark (B’s) or light (H’s). Writers who prefer pencils tend to be commitment phobic and flit from project to project. The lighter the pencil, the more insecure the writer. The darker the pencil the less chance the person is actually a writer. They are most likely the talkers or visually impaired. Writers who use HB pencils should grow a pair and just commit to one of their projects.
- Pen: Pens are divided by price and levels of self-censoring. The more expensive the pen the more repressed the writer and the more self-censoring occurs. The story is there, but because these writers refuse to be honest with themselves their writing remains flat. Writers who choose pens however, are tenacious and will never give up, regardless of a disastrous plot or blatant and repeated rejection. Writers who like pens that click have obsessive personalities and will spend time in rehab at some point in their careers.
Subcategory of the pen - Ink colour:
- Blue: You still write like you did at school. Long-winded essays wrought with unspecified adjectives and lazy adverbs.
- Black: You steal pens and you might actually make it as a writer if only you could get out of your own way.
- Red: You have masochistic tendencies.
- Green: There is something wrong with you, but as long as no one else gets hurt we’ll leave you be.
- Any other colour: Seek professional help. Immediately.
Erasers and sharpeners:
- Writers who choose pencils with erasers attached to the end tend to be skittish, fragile creatures who kill ideas faster than they can create them. The ideas might be good, but we never know because the ideas are erased as fast they are written.
- If a writer prefers a large eraser with sharp corners they are most likely a dark pencil user and not really a writer.
- If you have a tiny piece of rubber that used to be a big fat eraser you might actually have the ability to become a writer.
- The same can be said about having a desk-mounted pencil sharpener - this is how you know you are indeed a writer. Regardless of the type of pencil used, this is the mark of a true wordsmith.
- Small, handheld sharpeners can only be used in the direst of situations or out-of-office writing days and then only if they are embellished with some kind of animated character.
- Writers who use Tippex are imposters and can’t write a word. Seriously, who waits for Tippex to dry?
- Lastly, if writers chew on their chosen implements, they are hungry and should be fed.
If you have read through this entire post trying to find you ideal implement/corrector combo you have proved that you are indeed a writer and a master procrastinator. That said you should be writing and not reading posts about writing tools. Your implement does not dictate your writing fate. You do.
by Mia Botha for Writers Write